Happy Birthday?
by QueenOfBeasts
Summary: Lucia thought she was getting Violet the perfect gift, but of course it all goes to crap. Now their lives are a living Hell, and these units aren't making it easier. And why the hell is this damn Spaniard hugging her? A Hetalia Manual fic.
1. Chapter 1: Violet

**Before I get any hate mail for this, yes this is a manual fic based on the Hetalia unit manuals by LolliDictator. This a collab between myself and my friend Melissa, who doesn't have a FF account. We will be alternating chapters, (she does odds, I do evens) and this first one is her's. For me, this will mainly be to get back into the swing of writing. And please, don't tell us our characters are Mary Sues. It's just annoying, and frankly, neither of us really care. **

**Disclaimer: Hetalia doens't belong to us, nor does the idea for the manuals.**

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><p>"Happy Birthday!" all my friends cheered, gathered around my small kitchen table. I rolled my eyes.<p>

"Sheesh you guys, what's with your love of surprise parties? I mean, what is this, the seventh?" A dramatic sigh came from Lucia.

"Well, it would have been the eighth, but _someone_ can't keep a secret very well," she complained, her eyes very obviously pointing in Vera's direction.

"I said I was sorry," she grumbled, crossing her arms (which I know are very fun to squish- I get bored, okay?) and half glaring at my Italian friend. "And it wasn't my fault; I told you pancakes were a bad idea!" I face palmed.

"Lissi! Vera! Listen to me~" I sighed. At this rate, one of them would throw a fit, even if they were joking. "Here- have some cake and calm down." They both took a plate, still giving each other teasing glares as they slowly devoured the ice-cream cake. I rolled my eyes again, I was still glad they had come from across town to see me. "Okay, Can I open my presents now?"

"Open mine first," Vera smiled. I nodded. Vera's presents were always fun. I looked in front of me to see a small box- covered in violet paper. I stuck my tongue out at her. Running gag. I mean, just because my name is Violet… Whatever. I tore into the wrapping, revealing a small mp3 video player, already filled with Anime from my favorite series, as well as some SpongeBob episodes. I hugged her tight.

"Vera, this is awesome! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!" She hugged me back (I love hugging people~ ) and smiled.

"You're welcome. Ow. Leggo." I gave her another squeeze, then did as she asked.

Lucia sighed.

"You're so dramatic. Here," she handed me a (violet) envelope, wrapped with a blue ribbon. I opened it warily, hoping it was a gift card to Barnes and Noble or something like that. I didn't want to think about it otherwise...

**"Congratulations, you are now the owner of our new ALFRED JONES unit…"**

I blinked.

"Lissi, what is this?" She smiled.

"Do you like it? I got one as a prize in some drinking game-"

"Again? I told you not to play those anymore-"

"Well, I won! Anyway, it came with a 'buy one get another one free' deal, so I thought you would like one!" she defended herself. "Read it!" I looked down to the stiff card again.

"Helps around the house, can get job, blah blah blah…" I turned over the card. "Flying mint bunny says it will come in a week, and-" I blinked. "Flying mint bunny? I haven't seen him in years! I heard he got married to the tooth fairy…" Both my friends looked at me oddly. I winced. Bad time for that…

"Anyway, it should get here soon." Vera nodded.

"That's good. You needed some extra money and stuff, right?" I sighed.

"Yeah. School is the pits, but to pay it off… That's worse." Lucia smiled, grinning (that half hearted and almost smug "yay, it worked!" smile) at me.

"See! I thought it would be a good present for you!" I had to smile at that. They care. They do care.

"Yeah, thanks. It is an awesome present…" I looked back at the card. "Just please- no more drinking games?" She smiled, and crossed her heart.

"I promise. Also; I swear to drunk I'm not god." We laughed, remembering that day…Ah, memories.

Now. If only I had known what chaos would ensue…I would probably have not laughed as hard.

Or at all.

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><p>"No, the package isn't here yet," I yelled into my phone over the sound of my cat and the stove (which was rapidly gaining the ability to catch on fire).<p>

"Are you sure?" Lucia yelled back. "You'll have to start looking for it soon! The card said it would be here-" Her voice was interrupted by the door bell.

"Coming!" I shouted, finishing up with the fire extinguisher. I walked to the door. The mailman smiled.

"Hello…whoa." He looked behind me, noticing the burning oven. I shrugged.

"Yes. The kitchen was on fire." I looked down to his clipboard. "Do you have a package for me?" He nodded, still distracted, and wheeled it into my hallway. He continued to stare at my charred kitchen. I had put the flames out, but the charcoal and such… This was why the insurance agents hate me, I know it. Stupid policy I have to pay for. He dropped it and ran, but not before giving me an ominous warning;

"Read the manual before you open it, okay?" I blinked as he ran to the mail truck and drove off. That was odd, I though as I closed the door. Usually the kitchen is still on fire when he runs away. I closed the door, looking at the packet of papers he had handed me. The manual was certainly specific, but…

"Just to wake him up? Speak in a British accent or play a mindless superhero show?" I thought about my options. "…Eh. I'll do both." I quickly switched on iron man, but kept the TV on mute. Then, after mouthing the words to myself (trying to remember what a British accent sounds like) I started talking. "Oi, burger-eating lard butt! Get over here before I kick you from here to Russia!" Suddenly, a giant (and nude, oh dear) blonde man burst out of the crate.

"Yo, Iggy!" he shouted, then started looking around. "Hey, where are ya?" I quickly pointed to the television set.

"Look what's on TV!" That got his attention quickly enough.

"Sweet! Can I have popcorn?" I ignored that, getting a text from Lucia. It read: _Help! He's HUGGING me! DO something!_ I sighed.

"Oh, Lucia." I quickly texted Vera. _Check on Lucia, will you? I have issues to work out. _…like how to get the "hero" into some boxer shorts at LEAST.

Sooner or later the movie was over, leaving…"Alfred" no longer distracted.

"Hey." I looked over the kitchen counter, finished making a salad. (the oven was barbequed, so that didn't leave me many options)

"What?" I asked. He pointed to the credits.

"Movie's over. Can we get dinner?" I blinked.

"Unless you want salad, you're going to have to get dressed to leave the house." I pointed out, leaving him the Superman boxers. "At least these and the jacket, please." His face brightened.

"Hey! Superman, a hero, just like me!" He put them on, while I started reading the manual and eating the salad. I stopped munching when I got to where it said burgers.

"Oh, dear…" Alfred didn't look up, holding my kitty in his hands.

"What? Is the hero needed to save the maiden in distress?" he directed to the kitty, who hissed in response. My kitty does not like people. I had a short lived smile at that before it dropped off my face. I just sighed.

"Zip up your jacket and come on." He quickly zipped it while I grabbed my purse and his "unlimited McDonalds gift card". I rolled my eyes.

"Coming, 'hero'?" He grinned.

"I'm starving! Can we have hamburgers?" I face palmed.

"Sure. Whatever." I dragged him to the local one, him all the time looking at the ads for the new "Captain America" movie and complaining.

"I mean look!" he said. "I'm more American than he is- I AM America! And see!" He struck the pose the superhero in the movie made. "I do the pose much better! See?" He tapped my shoulder if I refused to listen. I groaned. He. Annoyed. Me.

"Come on," I dragged him into the McDonald's. I handed him the "unlimited McDonald's gift card". "Here. Buy yourself dinner." Alfred's eyes widened.

"You're going without dinner? Without a cheeseburger, or even a hamburger? But-" I shushed him.

"I already had dinner," I lied. "You just go get yourself something, alright?" He beamed, ecstatic to be allowed to eat his favorite meal.

"Totally! Big Mac, here I come!" He sped (I mean literally- I think he broke the speed limit) to the cashier, ordering what sounded like 20 Big Macs to go, and three diet (diet? Him?) sodas. I looked away, trying not to be too interested in what was happening. I wanted to leave, dammit! Whatever- he had started to chat with the cashier. I bit my lip, anxious. Hurry UP! A sudden hand draped itself across my shoulders. I flinched. Please, no-

"Why, Violet!"

I flinched.

"Hello, Nicolai." He smiled, no, leered at me.

"How is my darling~ ex today?" I flinched. I hated when he referred to our (brief) dating session.

"Go away, Nicolai. I'm about to leave anyway," I grumbled. As soon as the personification of America finished buying all of those hamburgers he so craved…what was taking him so LONG? Nicolai ignored my awkward silence, still grinning like a maniac murderer. He enjoyed my anger, I thought grimly, twisting the hem of my own jacket.

"So did you find another guy yet?" He asked smugly, neatly sliding in beside me (much to my discomfort), still leaving his arm over my shoulders. What a slime bucket. I shivered.

"Aren't you working as a cashier here? You shouldn't be shirking your work," I accused him. He waved off my remark, not caring. Jerk.

"I'm on break. And I know you haven't," he continued, "Because you're not worth another person- Heck. You were barely worth me. In fact…"

"Hey!" Alfred bounded over to the table, holding a Mc Donald's bag big enough to hold a body in as if he was Dorothy wielding muffin basket; that is, haphazardly. "I finally got all the burgers I wanted- but it took forever to make them!" he complained, looking back to the cashiers. I giggled a little, seeing their stunned faces. Alfred's attention fell on Nicolai, who just stared at him in shock. "Hello!" He pumped my ex's hand up and down, and I smiled even harder seeing him wince in pain from the unit's super strength. "It's nice to meet you! I'm Alfred Jones. I'm her," he pointed to me, "New roommate." I whapped him upside the head.

"Since when?" I demanded. I'm not going to share a room with him! But he continued beaming, acting as if he had never heard me.

"Anyway, how are you doing today?" Nicolai blinked, then sighed. (wait, is he taking him seriously? He's a _stupid_ jerk)

"I've not been feeling well since I came back…But I think that's just America." Alfred blinked.

"Huh?"

Nicolai rubbed the back of his head, thinking.

"Well, since I come from Russia every other month, I always get a headache from the grease and burgers that are practically _absorbed_ into the country itself, and the vodka here is so watered down it's pathetic…" I noticed Alfred's eye started to twitch. I covered up a smile with my hand. Whatever happened now, as psychotic as it would be, it would be on Nicolai. Big time. "And don't even start me about the government- Hey, is something wrong?" Alfred had started to smile a creepy smile, and his twitching hadn't gone down at ALL.

"Do you…hate…America?" Nicolai blinked, but remained oblivious.

"Yeah…" he started, then got braver. "Yes, I do!" He did the man-fist-pump-thing. I dunno. It's a guy thing. Alfred _snapped_.

"_COMMIE_!" He shouted, punching him right in the jaw. Nicolai went spinning into (and through) the wall, stopping only once half his body was in the bathroom. I started to laugh- I admit it. I am violent enough to laugh myself sick over my ex-boyfriend's beating. Be jealous.

"Um…" one of the cashiers not staring at his co worker's unconscious body cleared his throat. "Is he… Was he just beat up?" I couldn't help but smile. So what if I was arrested or something?

"Totally." There was a small pause. Cheers broke out, the McDonald's employees scaring the customers with their celebration. I blinked.

"Wow. Nicolai certainly isn't one to make friends." Alfred looked down, then back at me.

"So…should I take him to the hospital? Or…" I rolled my eyes.

"Let him wake up on his own." Alfred smiled, then started to beam that ( wow, it's almost normal now) crazy grin again.

"Once again, I'm the hero!" I rolled my eyes, trying not to smack him. (though I did punch his arm, not as if he noticed. Did this guy have gorilla strength?)

"Whatever. Let's go back and eat already."

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><p>I watched as Alfred (my new unit, by the holy mother of nestle green tea WHY THAT THING) inhaled massive amounts of hamburgers in one sitting. I could only watch in awe as I slowly continued to take one bite of my salad, then another. Suddenly he looked back up to me.<p>

"Mphpheph, mmphfeffpheph?" I face palmed.

"Chew. Swallow. Then talk." He frowned, but did as I asked.

"We were never introduced, right?" I took another bite of salad.

"No." A crazy (stupid) grin started to form on his face, as he jumped onto the table making another stupid superhero pose.

"I am Alfred Jones, the country of the United States of America, the Hero!" I stood up, fuming.

"Hey! You're getting dirt and crud all over my new table!" He just laughed, still holding that "hero" pose. Stupid unit. I kicked him in the shin. At least he fell off this time. But it was more the surprise then the hit, I noticed when he stood up just as fast.

"Well, who are you, fellow American?" I rolled my eyes. Patriotic nutcase.

"I'm Violet Lestrande. Student-at-large."

"Cool." I debated hitting him over the head again. Then he let out a huge yawn, making me wonder how big his lungs were. "Hey, I'm going to sleep. That cool?" I shrugged.

"You're not sleeping in _my_ room though- You get the couch." Was he _pouting_?

"But I'm the hero! Can't I sleep on the bed?" I threw a (packaged) hamburger at him.

"Couch. Now." He scampered into the living room, while I promptly fell, dead asleep, into the remainder of the salad.

…please kill me now.

I awoke to a ring on my phone.

"…a phone call?" No one ever called me. …No, I am not friendless. I just use email. I picked it up. "¿Hola?" Vera's voice came out on the other end.

"Violet? This is Vera. I'm having a bit of trouble here-" I heard a crash and what sounded like Lucia threatening someone about a- tomato? "Uh, can you just come to Lucia's house? Please?" I blinked.

"Now? And you're at Lucia's house?"

"Please!" I threw a shoe at Alfred.

"Hey! Field trip!" He woke up, blinking in the light of the morning.

"Whazzat?"

"We'll be there soon," I told the phone, and hung up.

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><p>An (over expensive) bus ride and dragging Alfred across the town later. I finally made it to Lucia's house. I couldn't help but face palm.<p>

"A Lion King themed house? Really? I thought she was kidding!" The lawn was tastefully (well to an extent, they were Disney characters after all) decorated with Lion King characters, as well as landscapes from the movie painted directly onto the house. The personification of America shrugged.

"It was an okay movie- But I liked the baboon!" he commented. I started to feel a migraine.

"Whatever, Uncle Sam. Come on."

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><p><strong>If you say anything negitive about the super cool Lion King house, I will personally hit you with Rafiki's stick.<strong>

**Reveiws are much loved, and rewarded with brownies! **


	2. Chapter 2: Lucia

**Chapter two from Lucia's POV! Yes, I know it sucks, both Melissa and I know that. But on the upside, we now have a sexy Spaniard added to the mix! **

**WARNING! This chapter contains cursing, Spaniards, knives, and a Hell of a lot of hugging. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Hetalia does not, nor will it ever, belong to us. Same goes for the manuals. **

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><p>I lounged infront of the TV watching Spongebob like I do every morning. I was still pretty smug about my success with Violet's birthday present. I mean, I got her freaking AMERICA! If I wasn't already at the top of her list of favorite people, I sure as heck was now!<p>

The doorbell rings, and my 14 pound fluffy alarm system goes off immediately. I scoop him up, trying to get him to stop barking as I walk to get the door. I open it to find a young guy with a giant box behind him.

"Lucia Cappelli?" He asks me.

"Yeah, that's me." I know that it's my unit, but frankly, I didn't expect it to be so… big.

"Please sigh here," he says. I take the clipboard from him and sigh my name, all the while balancing a spazzing Shih Tzu on my shoulder. "And would you like me to bring it in for you?"

"Sure, I guess." I say as I step out of the way to let him wheel the huge box inside. He leaves it in my living room, and heads back to the front door.

"Have a nice day, Miss!" He calls over his shoulder cheerfully as he walks back to his truck.

"Damn cheery people…" I grumble under my breath as I close the door. I take the manila envelope from atop the box, and flip it open.

**CONGRATULATIONS! You've just invested in an ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO unit!**

Speaking of cheery people.

I look through the ways to wake him up. I could always imitate Romano. Then again, it wouldn't really even be an imitation, as I would just be acting like myself. Sure, I could be happy when I wanted (usually around Violet and Vera), but I usually just choose to act grumpy and curse all the time. I blame my roots in Calabria (one of the most southern parts of Italy) for my behavior. And Hetalia for making me realize I am a complete stereotype. But enough of my inner monologue. Time to wake up Spain.

"HEY TOMATO BASTARD! GET YOUR F**KING LAZY ASS UP!" I yell, slipping into the Italian accent that comes naturally from spending time around a huge Italian family. The lid of the crate busts open to reveal a man in a beige uniform with messy dark brown hair and forest green eyes. He rushes over to me and pulls me into a hug.

A hug.

A HUG.

NONONONONONO! He is NOT hugging me! He CANNOT be hugging me! I NEED my personal space like I need _air_! NO ONE touches me without permission unless they're family or close friends, and this damn Spaniard is NEITHER!

I pull my phone from my pocket as he continues to cuddle me, and quickly text Violet.

_"Help! He's HUGGING me! DO something!"_

When I didn't get an answer, I decided it was time to take matters into my own hands.

"Hey, Antonio, do you mind GETTING THE HELL OFF ME?" I shout at him. He pulls back slightly to look down at me with a dopey grin on his face. His eyes then drop lower, from my eyes, to my neck, to my… chest. Confusion is written all over his face.

"Hey, Lovi, did you always have breasts?"

Wow. He's even more of an idiot than I thought he was. I mean, I knew that I looked a little like him; same color and length of hair, same color eyes, and probably around the same height. And sure, I've been mistaken for a guy before, but I can't help but feel a little offended.

"I'm not Lovino… I'm not even a guy." I told him with a no-doubt irritated look. At that he stepped back completely, face red in embarrassment and rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

"Ah, I'm so sorry, _señorita!_ You just look so much like my little Lovi! I'm Antonio, but I guess you already knew that! What's your name?" Well, he was polite, I'll give him that.

"Lucia Cappelli." Perhaps I should have given him a fake name, because as soon as my utterly _Italian_ name left my lips, his entire face lit up.

"Oh, no wonder you look so much like him! You're Italian too, _sí?_" I just shrug it off, going instead to sit on the couch.

"Yeah, what of it?" He plops down on the couch next to me, FAR to close for my comfort, but I try to ignore it.

"What part of Italy are you from?" He asks eagerly. I know I'm going to regret the answer I give him, but I really do hate to lie.

"Calabria…" And more hugging. This isn't so much stressful as it is annoying, now.

"You're Southern Italian! That's so great! I'll teach you all about my culture, just like I did for Lovi when he was little! I'll teach you to speak Spanish, too! We're going to have so much fun together!" As Antonio blathered on about all the things we'd do together, I could only think about how it was getting harder to breath, and when Violet would come with help.

Apparently my prayers had been answered, as not a moment after I thought that, my front door swung open, and standing in it was Vera.

With her fire poker.

It was kind of like Russia's pipe for her, only she usually only used it for defending herself and friends. Though I knew that it was only for show, as I nor Violet (her two best friends) had ever seen her actually _use_ it. Now she brandished it above her head in as threatening a posture as she could muster. Unfortunately for her, Antonio is too much of a numskull to realize what was going on.

"Eh, Luci, who's this?" He asked me. I sighed. Surprisingly I was beginning to be kind of okay with Spain hugging me like this. Not to say I liked it, I found it incredibly annoying, but not maddeningly so.

"Don't call me that." I said, turning red at the new nickname. "And this is Vera." I said gesturing to the panicking Russian-American girl in my doorway. He got up, walked over to her, and stuck his hand out to shake.

"It's _muy agradable_ to meet you! I'm Antonio, Luci's new roommate!" He said cheerily. I facepalmed.

"She knows who you are, idiot. And I told you not to call me Luci!" I said, exasperated. He tilted his head to the side in a way that can only be described as puppy-like. Then the stupid grin came back.

"But you look so cute when I use that name! Your face turns a very pretty shade of red! Like a -"

"If you say tomato, you'll regret it." I said threateningly.

"- Tomato!" He finished happily as if I never interrupted him. My eye visibly twitched. How dumb was this guy? Sure, his character isn't to bright, but I really thought he'd be at least _a little_ smarter. This is why I wanted an England unit. Sure, I'd probably die from his cooking, but at least I would have been able to have an intelligent conversation with him!

I stomped out of the room and into the kitchen. I grabbed the first sharp knife I saw, and headed back in to the living room. Vera's eyes widened at the object I held in my hand, and Antonio looked more than a little scared. Good. He should be. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Vera whip her cell phone out of her pocket as I walked swiftly over to the abandoned crate and it's smaller counterpart. I pried it open with the knife, and inside was exactly what I expected to fine.

The Tomato unit.

I activated it, and pulled it out of the box. I held it up to show the Spaniard, and his face lit up in recognition. I then held the knife up to the tomato. His jaw dropped, fear evident in his eyes. He then went to his knees, and clasped his hands together as if he were praying.

"_Por favor, no! No mi tomate! Que voy a hacer nada! Por favor, no le duele!_" He begged. I couldn't understand a word of his rapid Spanish. All I knew was that I had him right where I wanted him.

"Listen up! If you want the tomato to live, you have to do as I say! NO touching me without my permission! NO calling me Luci! If you can't follow those two SIMPLE rules, the tomato DIES!" He nods his head rapidly. I smirk down at him, my brown eyes shinning with the feeling of power. And then I see them.

Tears. I made Antonio cry. I didn't want to do that! I just wanted to intimidate him! I hate seeing people cry, even people as annoying and empty-headed as him. Now that I think about it, he meant well, I just took it the wrong way. Great, now I feel bad. I guess I have to comfort him.

I kneel down infront of him, and try to put a comforting hand on his shoulder, but he flinches away. It's kind of hard to believe this guy was ever a Conquistador.

"Antonio," I say as gently as I can. "Look, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I just have a bit of a short temper, you know?" I pry his hand open and put the tomato in his palm. He looks down at it, then back up to me. He looks… I don't know… smarter? There at least seems to be something in his eyes that's more than the empty head I though he was. He smiles just the smallest bit, but that's enough to know I'm forgiven.

And then he decides to take things a step farther.

He leans over me, something a tad bit more than innocent in those green orbs of his. It is then I remember that this man is 1/3 of the infamous Bad Touch Trio, and I am an incredibly easy target. I look to Vera for help, but she only stands there gaping like a fish out of water.

Antonio then grabs my face and slowly brings it back to look at him. Whatever he says or does next, I may or may not make it out of this with my virginity in tact.

"Can I still call you Luci?" Dammit, he's using the sexy Spanish voice! How the HELL can this idiot be so smooth?

"Sure…" Is all I can manage to squeak out.

"_Bueno_." Oh crap, now he's _speaking_ Spanish! Where the Hell is Vera and her fire poker? Oh yeah, shell shocked in my doorway. Some friends I have.

His lips are getting closer to mine, and to say that I'm panicking is the understatement of the century. I pray to God that something – _anything_ – will stop him, but it seems my prayers are in vain.

Suddenly the door bursts open once again, and in it is a tall blonde man with blue eyes, glasses, and a bomber jacket.

"The Hero has arrived!"

I take it back. I wanted anything to stop Spain from kissing me, _except_ America.

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><p><strong>I bet you sickos thought he was gonna kiss her, right? FOOLED YOU! (random Space Balls reference is random)<strong>

**Translations:**

**_señorita: _miss (as in an unmarried woman, geniuses) **

**_si:_ yes**

**_muy agradable:_ very nice**

**_Por favor, no! No mi tomate! Que voy a hacer nada! Por favor, no le duele!: _Please, no! Not my tomato! I'll do anything! Please don't hurt it!**

**I'm sorry if some of the translations are wrong, I am terrible at Spanish and relied heavily on for the translations. **

**Reveiw for brownies!**


	3. Chapter 3: Violet

**Geez, these chapters are coming out like rapid fire, huh? Third chapter is UP! This one is in Violet's POV, as was the first one. The next will be in Lucia's and so on and so forth.**

**I don't feel like putting the disclaimer and trying to think of something witty to say. Look in first or second chapter.**

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><p>What. On earth.<p>

"I said stop HUGGING ME, dammit!"

"_Pero tú eres un señorita~ _" I had to blink.

"Uh, Lucia…is that a random Spaniard hugging you?"

"No! He's trying to KISS ME-" Alfred (who had busted down the front door, idiot) was currently apologizing to Vera, who the door had nearly smashed. So I did the one thing left to do. I picked up the tomato unit.

And drop-kicked it out the window.

"_NOOOOOOO! ¡Mi tomate-!_" I watched him run outside and quickly locked the door behind him. Finished with him, I turned to poor Lucia.

"Lissi. Did he rape you."

"No."

"Did he grope you."

"No."

"Did he invade your personal space."

"He tried to kiss me." Lucia stated flatly. I turned to Alfred.

"If I shoot him, will it be illegal?" He blinked, having been caught off guard.

"Uh…yes?" I cursed. Vera picked up her fire poker again, no longer traumatized by the flying door.

"If I jab him with this, what are the consequences?" While Alfred rattled off the possible punishments given by a court of law, Antonio flew into the door, smashing into it.

"…ow," I heard him say before the telltale thud of his body hitting the ground. I peeked out the window. He had managed to launch himself, tomato in hand, into the door. I cringed. Self inflicted pain OUCH.

…haha.

* * *

><p>Eventually we got him to promise (with many tamales, some jalapeños in his mouth and a few death threats) to stop invading her personal space. …although from the creepy smile on his face that it wouldn't last long. I turned, still not fully assured of my own safety.<p>

"Uh…I have work tomorrow, so… Alfred! Come on!" We nearly left before I tripped over Lucia's grip on my ankles.

"No. Stay. PLEASE." I flinched.

"Lucia. You're a big girl." I awkwardly patted her head. "You have a frying pan and Vera." Vera waved to us, and I waved back. (And so did the clueless tomato lover). "They'll protect you. You'll be fine. And even if you're not, Vera is always a phone call or a smoke-signal away." Lucia sniffed, listening.

"…you suck, Violet." I smiled, happy to see her in good spirits. (Yes…for my dear Lissa, this IS good spirits. Go fall into a pit).

"Don't worry." I quickly disentangled her from my feet and _ran_. I didn't stop until I had reached the safety of my home. I shut the door behind me, panting. Thirsty, I decided to get a drink of water before I did anything else. In the middle of drinking it, someone knocked at the door.

"Hello? Violet? Uh…can you let me in?" Whoops. Forgot America. I let him in. "Sweet!" He waltzed in the house, carrying a huge box in his arms. "Oh yeah. And the delivery guy came to see you…" My eye twitched. The shape of that box. The label on the side.

Crud.

I peeled off the label, reading the message attached to it.

_We apologize for any inconveniences,_

_but the unit we sent you is only distributed in a set of two. However, due_

_to the complexity, your unit never comes apart from the set. Our oversight was unseen until now,_

_and in compensation for any trouble we have caused, we will send you the other unit-_

I ripped the message apart.

"NO. No more." I laughed maniacally as I shredded the message into bits. After I was done, I noticed Alfred watching me warily.

"You…okay?" I sighed.

"Just hand me the manual, will you?" I ripped open the cover on the envelope and started to read it.

"**MATHEW WILLIAMS**…" I face palmed.

"Please tell me he is not as stupid as you are." Alfred frowned.

"Dude, harsh language to your home country. Besides, Mattie's awesome! He makes the best has brownies…" I resisted the urge to do another face palm, and looked to where it told me how to wake him up.

"Uh, lets see…American music?" Alfred smiled.

"Cool. Do lady Gaga." I raised an eyebrow.

"Whatever for? The poor chap has done nothing- _yet_, I suppose." But his grin grew wider.

"Seriously. Trust me, it'll be awesome. Like, Spain losing his tomato awesome." I raised a single eyebrow. Well, Alfred was certainly not on cordial terms with his counterpart, I see. A sadistic side of Alfred? Maybe I'd use that later. I shrugged, turning slowly.

"Okay… Give me a second. I'll pull up something of hers on Youtube." I typed quickly on my laptop, while Alfred started munching on a lone leftover burger. (Which I did not know existed, or _I_ would have devoured it. Maybe he hid it in his sock.) "Aha!" I put on Just Dance, which Alfred started to dance to. "You look like a twit," I couldn't help adding. He stuck his tongue out at me.

"Who are you to tell me; _Arthur_?" I briefly considered taking a baseball bat to his head when the box started to shake. I blinked.

"Uh…I guess we open it now?" Alfred took a sort of football crouch on the floor next to the box.

"Open it _slowly_," he hissed, waiting to pounce. I face palmed.

"Okay. Whatever."

I unlatched the front door, realizing that the unit inside of it was talking.

"-_not dating Lady Gaga…_" He stopped talking as soon as he saw me, blushing. "_Oh. I'm sorry, I thought you were_-"

"SNEAK ATTACK!" Alfred jumped the unit as soon as he stepped out of the box.

"_What was that for, Alfred?_"

"For sending us Justin Beiber, you freezing, moose eating-" I left to find something to hit them with.

"_I do not_-"

"Whatever!" I quickly hit Alfred over the head with a rolling pin I had found in the kitchen. The new unit flinched as Alfred fell to the floor. I turned to him, and he let out a tiny *meep* at the "weapon" in my hand.

"Tell me who you are right now or this will end up in places unexplored in you. Like your kidney. Not to mention less mentionable places." I threatened, my face still contorted in evil, insane glee. No wonder the poor thing was close to tears.

"_Uh, Miss_," (Miss? Nice. Bonus points.) "_I'm Matthew Williams. The lump currently unconscious is my brother. And, uh…Nice to meet you? I'm Canada, by the way._" I stopped.

"…Canada?" He nodded, still terrified.

"_Y-yes_?" I blinked. He seemed more…humble than the lard-belly, and certainly quieter. Maybe he wasn't as bad as I feared.

"…please tell me you are not like the idiotic self proclaimed hero over there." He shook his head, the (weird. Is that normal?) stray curl shaking back and forth.

"_Trust me. No one on Earth is as arrogant and gluttonous as that hamburger-eating machine._" I couldn't suppress my joy, nearly emitting a fangirl scream.

"Thank you SO much." Alfred raised his head, groggy from my blow to the head.

"Hey…I'm hungry." He looked down. "Hey Mattie, why are you naked?"

"_Brilliant powers of deduction, Sherlock_."

"Are you going Arthur on me?" Alfred complained. From the look on the Canadian's face, I'm surprised he didn't strangle Alfred right then and there. I face palmed.

"Look. Alfred, off. Let your brother get dressed, at least. Then we can get lunch. And _you_ can get a job." Alfred blanched.

"A job? But-" I waved a single finger at him. (No, not the middle one. I'm not as rude as most people.)

"No buts," I added. "Matthew, you too. Although I imagine you'll have an easier time with it, considering your brother's…_personality_." I left the snickering unit his clothes and walked out. This could be fun.

* * *

><p>I picked up a coffee, my eyes quickly glancing over my watch.<p>

"…rainbow barfing retarded unicorns." Matthew looked up from his want ads, and Alfred grinned.

"Something bothering you?" I cursed at him in German.

"I have my own job, thank you, and I'm going to be late if I don't get there fast enough." Alfred picked up his bomber jacket.

"Cool. I'll walk you there." I paled. No. "You are certainly not. You are going to get a job, and soon. Now, preferably." Alfred held open the door for me.

"Relax, I'll look for one on my way back. No harm in taking you there, right?" I gaped.

"No harm-" Matthew cut me off.

"_You might want to let him- It's the only way to pacify his hero complex_." I scowled, but knew it was true.

"Fine. Just don't get lost." I grabbed my own jacket, with a farewell consisting what he was not allowed to eat to Matthew. I ran to the coffee shop down the street.

* * *

><p>"Hey Mica," I gasped, slumping through the door. "Sorry if I'm late. I was attempting murder." The older woman shrugged, handing me my apron and my nametag.<p>

"S'alright. Did you go through with it?" I scowled as Alfred walked through the door after me, grinning like he had just finished a marathon. "…from the look on your face love, I guess not." She quickly shooed me behind the counter. "But no matter. If he's strong enough to be alive after your first few tries, he might be used to your advantage." I nodded as her shoving increased.

"This is true. Hey Alfred," I called. He looked up from where he had been messing with the sugar packets.

"What?" I made shooing motions towards the door.

"Go find a job. Shoo, you silly boy." He stuck his tongue out at me, making me roll my eyes.

"Fine. Bye." He muttered, walking out. Mica clicked with her tongue.

"Stupid boy. Surprised he survived you're anger issues." I turned sharply as she started to laugh.

"I do not have anger issues," I insisted, swatting her with a stray towel. Her laughs grew louder.

"Keep telling yourself that," she giggled. "Whoo! Watch the counter for me, love. I have some inventory to do." I rolled my eyes.

"Sure, Señora. Whatever."

* * *

><p>"Heeeey!" Alfred burst into the shop an hour later, waving some papers around. "Guess what I scored!" he cheered. I nearly dropped the coffee I was serving to a customer. I quickly finished the exchange and glared at the hyper nation in front of me.<p>

"What is it, and does it have to be now?" I hissed. He blinked.

"Maybe…" I face palmed.

"Mica!" I shouted. "When does my shift end?" Turns out, it ended a few minutes ago. I took off my apron, clocked out, and walked over to Alfred. "What is it," I grumbled.

"I got two part-time jobs!" he cheered. "One at McDonald's-" (Figured, I grumbled) "And one under the Mayor!" He grinned. I blinked.

"…what?" He started walking towards the door.

"They liked the way I talked, so they decided that I could handle the media for him. Isn't that cool?" …him. Near a seat of power. I nearly fainted.

* * *

><p><strong>Oh dear... if this ends well I'll be mightily surprised (as I have no idea where Melissa is going with this). As for Lucia... hopefully she will overcome the trama that is a happy Spaniard invading her personal space. <strong>

**Also, if you have any ideas on what kind of trouble Lucia and Violet could get into, just leave your thoughts in a reveiw!**

**Translations**

**_Pero tú eres un señorita - _But you are a lady (I think this is what Melissa meant, though I'm not sure)**


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